Welcome to Our Village, Please Invade Carefully: Series 1 & 2

Pilot: "Item 9b"

Pilot: "Stop Helping the Aliens"

Pilot: "Some of Them Can Be Rather Brusque"

Pilot: "Lucy, Are You in There?"

Pilot: "What Will They Do If Everyone Turns Against Them?"

Pilot: "Computer, Scan This Scone"

Pilot: "Welcome to Cresden Green's New Pub"

Pilot: "What Is a Dart Board, Anyway?"

Pilot: "I Know You're Gonna Love It This Time"

Pilot: "I Didn't Think You'd Find Out"

Taking Overs: "... And It Can Be Operated Using This Handy Remote Control"

Taking Overs: "He Lives in Kettering"

Taking Overs: "I Challenge You to a Cricket!"

Taking Overs: "... Then He Made a Joke About It Being a Plotting Shed"

Taking Overs: "I Want You in the Garden"

Taking Overs: "Why Did You Want to Waste a Couple of Minutes?"

Taking Overs: "The Ball Clearly Hit Your Leg"

Taking Overs: "That Was Terrific, Dad"

Taking Overs: "Oh Bloody Hell!"

Taking Overs: "Calculate the Victor Using the Duckworth-Lewis Method"

Minimum Volume: "What Are You Reading?"

Minimum Volume: "She's Worked With Books More Than Anyone in the Village"

Minimum Volume: "You Missed a Resistance Meeting for This?"

Minimum Volume: "Katrina Lyons Has Delivered Her Report"

Minimum Volume: "All I Can Think When I Look at You Is 'Weird Patrick'"

Minimum Volume: "Out of 320 Paper Aeroplanes, the Orange Ones Always Went Unnoticed"

Minimum Volume: "Three Books Per Author, Is That All?"

Minimum Volume: "I Was Up Half the Night Working Out Which Shakespeare Plays to Save"

Minimum Volume: "His Plan Was Useless"

Minimum Volume: "Hello, Got a Few More Books for You"

Power Block: "Can I Cut Another Slice of Upside Down Pear Cake, Mr Uljabaan?"

Power Block: "I'm Overseeing a New Construction Project"

Power Block: "Detective Inspector Koeman Stood by the Bridge and Watched"

Power Block: "Could You All Please Assemble on the Village Green"

Power Block: "A Picture of Uljabaan With a Knob Drawn on His Head"

Power Block: "So Where Are We Going to Hide This Message in the Newsletter?"

Power Block: "Headingly '91 Against the Windies"

Power Block: "Koeman Leapt From the Bridge Onto the Roof of the Tram"

Power Block: "Give It a Threat Level of Medium"

Power Block: "There's Always Some Bits Left Over"

Little Green Lights: "I'm Sure You're Wondering Why I Invited You Here Today"

Little Green Lights: "Thing Is, the Invasion Programme Is Undergoing a Series of Cut-Backs"

Little Green Lights: "You Really Can't Think of Anyone?"

Little Green Lights: "His Commanding Officer's Visiting?"

Little Green Lights: "He May Well Destroy Us All From Space"

Little Green Lights: "Taa-Daa!"

Little Green Lights: "A Traditional Greeting Banquet, Eh?"

Little Green Lights: "What Do You Do With the Native Population?"

Little Green Lights: "Until Now We Haven't Found Any Other Intelligent Species to Massacre"

Little Green Lights: "... Then It Was All Worth It"

Counter Plot: "Stop Whistling, Lucy"

Counter Plot: "You Have a Pet Spider?"

Counter Plot: "Mr Uljabaan Has Always Been Very Clear About the Penalties for Trying to Escape From the Village"

Counter Plot: "... Or PALS for Short"

Counter Plot: "... Or We Could Write Him a Strongly-Worded Email"

Counter Plot: "Some People Say It Doesn't Taste the Same"

Counter Plot: "We Were Due to Meet Tonight, Anyway"

Counter Plot: "What a Sterling Job You Boys Are Doing of Guarding the Allotments!"

Counter Plot: "Plants Are Alive"

Counter Plot: "... Black Forest Gateux"

Tempting Fete: "What Do You Propose to Contribute to the Village Fete Cake Stall?"

Tempting Fete: "It's a Northern Cake!"

Tempting Fete: "Stand Down Graavis, It's Just Richard"

Tempting Fete: "Stop Being Silly and Come Inside"

Tempting Fete: "I Want to Leave of Course..."

Tempting Fete: "I've Got You a Gig!"

Tempting Fete: "My Sensors Indicate You Are Cross"

Tempting Fete: "What Are You Listening To?"

Tempting Fete: "I Declare the Cresden Green Annual Village Fete Open"

Tempting Fete: "Hello Cresden Green Annual Village Fete!"

Questioning Loyalties: "Lawrence, Don't Open That Shed!"

Questioning Loyalties: "When I Hear About the Problems of Lesser Life-Forms I Tend to Tune Out"

Questioning Loyalties: "Kidnapped One of Uljabaan's Minions, Got Found Out"

Questioning Loyalties: "Did You Tell Uljabaan to Cut My Mum and Dad's Pear Tree Down?"

Questioning Loyalties: "There's a Man Hiding in the Coal Bunker"

Questioning Loyalties: "It's Like the Sister I Never Had"

Questioning Loyalties: "I'm Striking an Important Blow Against the Alien Occupation by Trying to Win This Pub Quiz"

Questioning Loyalties: "Margaret, You've Never Done the Pub Quiz Before"

Questioning Loyalties: "Lucy Doesn't Have a Sentimental Attachment to Anything"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "I Think That's the Best Abstract Landscape Painting You've Ever Done"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "Triangles"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "What Do You Mean Not Even Plausible?"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "How Did It Get This Virus?"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "Here's Another Good One"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "I'm Starting to See the Downside of Having One Computer That Does Literally Everything"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "No, I Love Her"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "I'm Destroying You and the Entire Village"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "I'm Afraid the Barrier Has Claimed Its First Building"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "Yes Mum, This Is Sort of My Fault"

Ctrl-Alt-Del: "There's a Rumour Going Around the Village"

Testing Times: "You're Already Unconscious"

Testing Times: "A Helicopter Pilot"

Testing Times: "Your Role in the Post-Invasion Environment Is..."

Testing Times: "How's It Going Carl?"

Testing Times: "A Lengthy Sequence of People Getting It Wrong"

Testing Times: "This Village School Has Been a Wonderful Initiative"

Testing Times: "Are You Tampering With Lucy's Exam Papers?"

Testing Times: "Can You Open a Window Please?"

Testing Times: "So You're Saying There Isn't a Fire in There?"

Testing Times: "I Thought Your Parents Might Want to Be Here"

Exit Strategy: "You Have a New Message From Central Command"

Exit Strategy: "Open Up the Matter Manipulator!"

Exit Strategy: "It Was the Chewing Gum"

Exit Strategy: "Nice to Get a Chance to Sit Down and Read the Newspaper"

Exit Strategy: "Has Anyone Seen My Gun?"

Exit Strategy: "Do as We Say and All This Invasion Business Will Soon Be Over"

Exit Strategy: "This Is Earth, Is It?"

Exit Strategy: "Katrina and Lucy Have Arrived at Your Headquarters With the Assessor"

Exit Strategy: "This Will All Be Fine"

Exit Strategy: "Are You Really Going to Shoot Her?"